Given the statistics that 90% of all sexual abuse is done by an acquaintance of the child, it stands to reason we can severely reduce victimization by putting “stranger danger” on the shelf for a while and instead, intelligently focus on the real threat to our children; acquaintance and family molesters! The prime age range of victims is 6-12 and these kids have been hearing Stranger Danger since they were two. For the most part, kids in this age range got the message! Statistically speaking, the odds are much greater that your kid will be molested right under your nose than being abducted by a stranger.
So let’s find their weak spot, shall we?
Premise 1: The Molester cannot risk being identified and reported.
Premise 2: An Acquaintance/Family molester will be easily identified.
Conclusion: The Molester must stifle the reporting by sealing the crime inside a SECRET pact with the victim.
Premise 1: The Molester MUST convince the child to keep the BAD SECRET.
Premise 2: The Victim MUST have an overwhelming reason (a perceived gain) to willingly keep the SECRET.
Conclusion: The Molester convinces the child that keeping the secret will provide them with a better situation than revealing the secret.
Premise 1: Humans are motivated to act (or not act) for positive reward, or;
Premise 2: Humas are motivated to act (or not act) to avoid a negative consequence (mental, emotional, physical)
Conclusion: Molesters are leveraging rewards and/or threats of punishment to keep their victims silent.
Okay, perhaps that exercise didn’t bring any major revelations to what we know about molesters. But I srongly disagree. Sometimes we overlook the most simplest items when trying to solve a complex problem. I cannot find a molestation prevention program that focuses on the BAD SECRET. They focus on touching, and inappropriate behavior, and instinctual feelings — but when we’re dealing with children—the least suspicious, the least experienced among us, the one’s who suffer greatest from this crime—shouldn’t we be able to break things down simply for them? Shouldn’t we find that giant smoking gun and say, “Hey, see that smoking gun. That’s a clue. That’s a HUGE clue, you’re being set up!”
Grooming Predators (acquaintance molesters and rapists) use the “secret” tactic to build trust, to ensnare the child into scenarios the child otherwise wouldn’t walk into. After sexually abusing the child they then continue to use the tactic to silence their victims. The biggest clue of grooming, and the absolute lynchpin to convincing the victim to not report — is simply A SECRET! This is a revelation if you consider how easily this can be recognized by the child and turned on the predator.
Like I mentioned in another post, Child Predators have been using the same strategy and tactics since the crime first appeared on the planet. Get the child to trust them. Attack the child. Get the child to remain silent about the crime. It’s a 3 step process that’s worked pretty well for these monsters.
The average molester will victimize 50 girls before being caught and convicted. The molester who preys upon boys will assault 150 before being caught and convicted. These stats should tell you something — they’ve got this silencing thing down pat!
I will not be going into all the various BAD SECRETS these predators use to reward and threaten our child. Here’s a post that concerns threats if you’re interested. What I’d like to put forth is a very simple ALERT SYSTEM you need to teach your child. Impregnate this into their minds so they are cognizant of the trick. So a flashing light might go off inside their mind should any elder attempt to use this ploy against them.
Seriously, would any of you reading this give the former attorney of King Blando Swatzuli of Nigeria your bank account numbers because the attorney has a sweet little money laundering scheme that will net you a couple million dollars? Of course not. You’ve heard about, read about, probably received that scam in an email how many times? Knowledge of scams helps us thwart becoming a victim.
Predator S.T.E.P. Identification System
Secrets others tell you to keep that could cause:
Trouble with your parents or other elders
Extreme Embarrassment if the secret is ever disclosed
Physical Pain to you, loved ones, or pets.
Children must learn that Bad Secrets may simply be lies that a Bad Person is telling them to keep them quiet. Even if that Bad Person is Dad!
Trust this: victims of child sexual abuse HATE what is being done to them. They want nothing more than to have it stop. If they felt safe they would do pretty much anything to stop this. So why aren’t they?
The answer is simple: There’s a Bad Secret tied around their neck.